Uno, Dos, Treize
by Kaori
Summary: Follows events in The Hunt for Mrs Freshley's Gem Donuts drool but it's not a sequel in the purest sense. Anyway, Treize is causing trouble in Mexico...


Ayamachi: What do you think you're doing?

Kaori: I'm writing another fanfic.

Ayamachi: Not with that hand you're not.

Kaori: [looks at her taped up hand] Since when are you concerned about my well-being? If I remember correctly you and the boys tried to kill me at the end ofThe Hunt for Mrs. Freshley's Gem Donuts *drool*.

Ayamachi: That was different, you were in perfect health and you have authoress powers and stuff that would make the fight unfair.

Kaori: Feh. Look, I'm not to argue with you today. How about I just type with my right hand?

Ayamachi: If you insist

Kaori: Oh but I do

Disclaimer: This is only a fanfic. We claim ownership to none of the characters not even the junta and various other angry Mexicans.

Ayamachi: Wait a minute _what_ Mexicans?

Kaori: [points] Those Mexicans over there. [Mexicans wave]

Ayamachi: Where did you get them from?

Kaori: I borrowed them from my cousins story. He won't be needing them back until Friday when he has to turn in that creative writing assignment. [a little turquoise colored demon pops up behind Kaori]

Little Turquoise Demon : Hi!

Ayamachi: AGH! Who or what is that?

Kaori: Oh sorry, this is Danny he's my cousin's muse.

Ayamachi: Why is he here?

Danny: To supervise the Mexicans. Can we get on with this?

Kaori: Oh yeah sure

WARNING: OOC, Mexicans, Treize bashing

Uno, Dos, Treize

By Kaori

It had been quiet for a while after the donut incident and Treize had disappeared from the city. No one there seemed to mind; they had their donuts and other treats so all was right with the world for them. Then one day a frantic man in a sombrero came rushing into the safehouse followed by Sally Po. What's going on? Quatre asked.

This man seems to want your help but I don't speak Spanish so I was wondering if any of you could translate.

Sure I'll translate. Duo said, getting up from his chair.

You speak Spanish? Wufei snorted incredulously.

One of my sweeper friends is from Spain and he doesn't speak any English so I learned Spanish. Duo walked over to the man. Cuál es la materia? The man seemed relieved that someone could speak his language.

Alrededor de hace un mes este extranjero loco viene en nuestra aldea con los soldados y los juegos móviles grandes que exigen que lo damos todo de nuestro flan. Le digo que él pueda ir al infierno pero entonces él amenaza destruir nuestra aldea con su ejército si no le damos el flan. Duo nodded.

Wufei asked irratibly.

He says that about a month ago this crazy foreigner comes into his village with soldiers and big mobile suits demanding that they give him all of their flan. He tells him to go to hell but then the guy threatens to destroy their village with his army if they don't give him the flan.

What happened? Trowa asked.

Qué usted hizo? The man shrugged at Duo.

Le dimos el flan. Se es como ese cada día por un mes. Él viene, exige el flan, le lo damos, él se va, y la aldea es segura para el día. Pero estamos enojados ahora porque no tenemos ningún flan para el postre. Tan ahora estamos formando a una junta para derrocarlo. Voluntad usted nos ayuda? 

He says they gave him the flan. It's been like that every day for a month. He comes, demands the flan, they give it to him, he leaves, and the village is safe for the day. But now they're mad because they have no flan for dessert. So they're forming a junta to overthrow him. He wants to know if we'll help.

Of course we'll help! Quatre piped up.

Yes, stealing desserts from the weak is injustice. Wufei nodded.

Ninmu ryoukai.

What's this guy's name? Trowa asked.

Cuál es nombre de este hombre? Duo turned to the man in the sombrero.

No sé su nombre, sino que tengo un cuadro. The man fished around in his pocket.

He has a picture, says he doesn't know what the guy's name is. Duo took the picture from the man and looked at it, violet eyes growing wide.

Let us see that. Wufei demanded snatching the picture away and put it on the table so they all could see. [insert dramatic music here]

they all exclaimed.

*scene shifts to a village outside of what used to be Mexico City, the boys are greeted by the leader of the junta*

Buenos dias muchachos!

The leader of this coup is an ONNA? Wufei flustered.

What difference does that make? the woman said angrily, leveling an Uzi at Wufei's nose.

None whatsoever! he said hastily. The woman put her gun away.

I am Tequila Mockingbird. (the name is stolen from an episode of Roger Ramjet and it was the first thing that came to my mind.) Are you the ones that Antonio brought back to help us?

Ése es nosotros señora bonita. //Translation: That's us pretty lady.//Duo winked. Tequila giggled.

Un qué muchacho en negrilla usted es; y hermoso también. //What a bold boy you are; and handsome too.//

Wufei coughed interrupting the shameless flirting.

We'll finish this later. Duo smiled, Tequila giggled again.

Where is the rest of your group? Quatre asked.

They are all around us. Tequila said. This whole village _is_ the junta.

So what do you need us for? Trowa looked around to see a little boy with a slingshot scamper into a house.

We need you to find the rose-sniffing gringo you call Treize and help us run him out of Mexico.

Ninmu ryoukai. Heero said grinning evilly.

You got yourself a deal, Señorita Mockingbird. Duo smiled. Torturing Treize is our specialty.

Elsewhere, Treize was once again enjoying a rose bath when Lady Une walked into the room. Why do you keep doing these things? she sighed. Didn't you learn anything from the last time?

Of course I did Une. Trieze replied. It was obvious that my mistake last time was being far too diplomatic. This time I'm using the direct approach. Une shook her head and went to her room to pack. She was sure she didn't want to be there for whatever happened next.

Night fell quickly and Treize was just about to eat the flan he had confiscated from the village when the door was viciously kicked open the one and only Perfect Soldier. A horde of Mexicans rushed in, cocked their rifles and six shooters, and leveled them at the Oz leader. Heero said.

NOOOOOO NOT AGAIN! Treize howled, leaped out the window..straight into the arms of a waiting junta. They immediately tied him up and sat him behind two mules with really bad gas. HELP! (Lord that's putrid!) UNE WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU???

On a beach in the Bahamas, Lady Une sneezed.

What happened to my mobile suits? Trieze whined. An overly hyper Shinigami and ZERO-Quatre bounced over to Treize; both were laughing insanely. Quatre produced a detonator. Treize's eyes went wide.

Ever play with dominoes? Duo asked and pointed to the side of the house, still laughing. The mobile suits were lined up one in front of the other with the first and last suits covered in an excessive amount of explosives. Quatre pressed the button.

MS one exploded toppling the one behind it, that one toppling onto the third one and so on until the second to last suit knocked over the final MS which landed on the house and exploded.

the junta gasped as the house went up in flames.

My beautiful house. Treize moaned.

You'll have more important things to worry about in a moment Treize. Wufei snickered. The members of the junta whipped out their wooden clubs.

//Kill him!// shrieked Tequila Mockingbird and the entire junta (men women and children) clubbed the hapless Treize.

Justice is served.

Right. Let's go get something to eat. Trowa said. The other four pilots nodded, turned and left; Treize screaming in the background.

~El Extremo~

Ayamachi: Okay, the fics over, send the Mexicans back.

Kaori: Not so fast. We still have one more thing to do.

Ayamachi: What's that?

Kaori and Danny: FIESTA TIME!

Mexicans: YAY!! [Major partying ensues.]


End file.
